Hipster AF Avocado Toast Cake
Avo look at that toast, eggcellent effort if I do say so myself. Too cheesy? I don’t even care, I’m loving this week, prepare yourself for a truckload of eggsquisite puns and yolks to come. Terrible patter, it’s my happy place!
Talking of crap patter, is anyone else completely an utterly addicted to Love Island? I particularly enjoyed the speculation that after Brexit we might lose all the trees in the UK. Where the eff did that even come from? Someone explain it to me, I need the clarity! And, I think I’m developing a gigantic crush on Iain Stirling the narrator. Usually (being Scottish myself) I massively cringe when Scottish people talk on TV but I’m in complete love with his dulcet tones. Sweep me away Iain and talk Scottish to me.
Back to the cake, since that’s probably why you’re here and not to listen to my dramatic musings on reality TV love interests. This week’s cracking (hehe) effort was actually not meant to be avo toast at all. I’d planned on making a bucket and spade, sandcastle style with wee turrets and stuff, but it turned out my cake pan was bigger than I thought, my mixture didn’t go as far as I’d wanted and it was gonna be the world’s shortest sandcastle. Safe to say, I was too lazy to mix up another batch and make it taller. After an hour wondering what the frick I could make with two square cakes I gave myself a wee snack break for avocado toast. And it hit me! Toast can be square! I love toast, I love avocados, I love runny eggs and I LOVE making cakes into giant versions of my favourite foods. It was so eggciting! I could actually feel myself breaking out of my cake block, or shell as it were.
And, brucie bonus, it was so freaking easy! Like honestly, perfect for beginners or experts looking to coast for a change. In fact, it was so easy, I made next weeks beach hut cookie house at the same time. Check me out, multi-tasking queen!
Although I did read this week that avocado toast was over, and we should all make way for mermaid toast. Is this true?? Am I behind the times? Did I cake too late? Do I have egg on my face? And who are these people breaking out the gold leaf for a bit of brekkie?? Who has that much spare cash that they would actually eat gold on toast?? Especially considering that it canny taste that great or of anything at all. Oh, darling, you know what would make this toast and cream cheese utterly divine? That’s right a wee bit of precious metal. Jog on pal! I can just about get on board when it’s on a cake for decoration but random elevenses?? Crackpots!
Right, rant over, let’s get cracking! (last one, I promise)
Serves: 18-21, Skill Level: Beginner
6 eggs (lightly beaten)
11oz self-raising flour
2oz plain flour
1tbsp mixed spice
12oz butter (room temperature)
3½oz cream cheese
25oz icing sugar
1tbsp of lemon juice
2lb white fondant
1 tbsp cornflour
Food colouring – ivory, yellow, black and green
1. Line two 8-inch square cake pans with parchment paper and preheat the oven to 160°C Fan.
2. Cream together 12oz of butter and 10oz of sugar until it’s light and fluffy. Slowly add in 6 eggs while still whisking.
3. Sift in 11oz self-raising flour and 2oz plain flour, 1 tbsp cinnamon, 1 tbsp mixed spice and 1tsp ginger. I’m not usually one for using a sieve but for this cake it helps to distribute the spices and plain flour more evenly. Fold together the wet and dry ingredients until the batter is smooth.
4. Split the mixture evenly between the two lined pans and bake in a pre-heated oven for 30 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean.
5. When baked, leave the cakes in the pan for 5 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
6. While the cakes are cooling, mix together 12oz of room temperature butter, 3½oz of cream cheese, 25oz of icing sugar and 1 tbsp of lemon juice.
7. When the cakes have thoroughly cooled, level off the little rise on top with a sharp knife.
8. Split each cake into two layers and spread a little frosting in the middle.
9. Using a knife, carve a little indent into each side like you see on bread.
10. Apply a thin layer of frosting all over each cake to pick up the crumbs and then move to the fridge to chill.
11. While the cakes are chilling, colour half of the white fondant a very pale toast colour. We’re gonna paint on top so don’t worry too much about it at this stage. When colouring, be sure to knead the fondant for at least 10 minutes as this will make it a lot easier to handle. Cover in cling film and leave to the side for now.
12. Colour a tiny piece of white fondant black and roll it out very thin. Leave it to the side to dry out.
13. When the crumb coat of frosting on the cakes is hard, remove them from the fridge and apply another layer of frosting all over. Use a warm palette knife to smooth out any lumps or bumps and then return to the fridge.
14. Colour the remaining frosting green and leave to the side for now.
15. Tear off a piece of white fondant roughly the size of a golf ball and colour it yellow. Wrap in film and leave to the side.
16. When the cakes have chilled for at least 15 minutes and the frosting is hard and not sticky roll out half the toast coloured fondant big enough to completely cover one cake.
17. Using a damp, food-only paintbrush moisten the sides of one cake and then dust the top lightly with cornflour. This will help the fondant stick to the sides and not the top.
18. Cover the cake with the rolled-out fondant and smooth down, starting at the corners and then working your way around. Trim the excess around the bottom.
19. Using a sharp knife cut around the fondant on top of the cake about 1 cm in from the edge all the way around. Remove this inner piece of fondant.
20. Using a veining tool or a large needle pick little holes all over the remaining fondant that’s on top of the cake. Then, go over these with a dresden tool or the handle of a teaspoon to create the toast texture.
21. Repeat all this for the second cake.
22. Now the cakes are covered and textured, we can start to paint. I never usually suggest brushing a full cake with water but this time, I’ll make an exception because it totally works for this one. Brush the fondant all over with water.
23. In a small dish mix 5-6 drops of water with a little ivory food gel colouring. Brush this over the fondant on the top of the cake.
24. Now, load your paintbrush with just neat ivory food colouring and paint the sides, by going on neat we’ll get a stronger colour for the crusts and the damp surface should help it spread easily. Keep going until both cakes are painted.
25. When you’re happy with the colour, split the remaining green frosting between the two cakes and roughly spread it over to just meet the fondant edges.
26. Using the handle of a small paintbrush, mark lines into the frosting in sets of three to look like fork marks, the way you would smash real avocado.
27. Take a small piece of white fondant roughly the size of a golf ball and roll it into a ball. On a piece of cling film, roll the fondant to resemble an egg. When you’re happy with the size, peel it off the cling film and place it onto the top of one of the cakes.
28. Coat your finger with a dusting of cornflour and use it to smooth around the edges of the egg and make sure none of it has folded over or creased.
29. Using the same painting trick from earlier, brush a little ivory food colouring diluted with water around the edges of the egg white to give it a little colour.
30. Split the yellow fondant in half and roll one piece into a ball in the palm of your hand. Gradually flatten the ball until it resembles the domed top of an egg yolk. If it starts sticking to your hands give them a little dusting in cornflour.
31. Attach the yolk to the egg white with a little water and repeat the process for the second cake.
32. Using a sharp knife, chop up the black fondant we left to dry earlier into tiny pieces and then sprinkle them over the top of the cake as pepper.
33. Move the cakes onto your chosen board or plate and use the blunt side of a knife to gently tuck any stray fondant back underneath
And we’re done! Wasn’t that a doddle?! See you next week for a couple of cute AF beach hut cookie houses. Who says cookie houses are just a winter thing? Not me!